Everyone is crazy in Lagos' - Etcetera writes

Another article from singer turned writer,
Etcetera. See below...

Few weeks ago, I got a call from a friend
asking me out for a drink, but I was
already at the Lagos airport. “I’m not
going to be around for the next few
days,” I told him. “I’m going to Abuja.” His
immediate reaction was – “Why? What’s
wrong? Do you want to bore yourself to
death?” That’s the typical response I get
whenever I tell someone I am travelling
to Abuja. Abuja is a beautiful city with a
terrible reputation for boredom. I have
heard people in other cities speak of
Lagos as a noisy, dirty and dangerous city
filled with crazy people. In truth,
everyone in Lagos is crazy. What else do
you expect in a state crammed with 22
million people?
It must be a hell of a job for the governor and
his officials keeping everyone under law and
order daily. Lagos has a peculiar vibe that can’t
be found anywhere in the world, so much that
“Lagos Hustle” is a commonly used phrase
among Nigerians. I would rather go crazy living
in Lagos than be bored to death in Abuja,
Ibadan or Enugu. Abuja leaves you chewing
your finger nails out of boredom. If you doubt
me, whenever you have a visitor from Abuja,
check his/her finger nails. They are always
short and well chewed. Even the Hausa local
nail trimmers have all migrated elsewhere due
to the nail scarcity. It is said that people in
Lagos argue for at least two hours daily. It is
true; we love to generate arguments out of
everything.
We argue everywhere, in buses and even
during church services. Now Telemundo has
become a cause for more argument among the
girls here. So why are they surprised that we
are crazy in this city? How many people can
stay sane for long with the screams of
Telemundo girls and the wailing sirens of police
and government officials constantly beating
their eardrums? Even the supposedly rugged
Lagos rats can’t bear it too, that’s why they are
always scampering from one gutter to another.
If only we can understand what those rats
would be saying to themselves about the cars
with wailing sirens and flashing blue lights
which have now become the city’s official ride
for big boys. Don’t they know that it is by far
the easiest way to advertise their arrivals to all
the criminals in the city? Let’s add all the
roaring vehicle engines, blaring horns, the
arguments of the association of free
newspaper readers at every bus stop, the
street preachers with megaphones every
morning, the open trucks filled with dancing
skimpy dressed models selling almost expired
products, or the rickety tortoise cars with dead
PA system selling gbogbonise and the CD/DVD
sellers blasting latest naija vibes.
Anybody expecting to find a sane person in
Lagos must be crazy indeed. It is like looking
for a virgin in Nollywood. It is a city with an
official soundtrack emanating from millions of
generators rumbling constantly all through the
day and night. But as crazy as it is in Lagos, I
love it. I love the fact that it is like the city is
divided in two halves, for non smokers and
smokers. Or how can anyone explain to me
why Apapa is always covered in thick smoke?
Call it trailer exhaust fumes or smoke from
burning tyres, what I know is that whenever I
am passing through Apapa, it is as If I have
suddenly walked into the smokers section of a
night club.
I love the fact that this city doesn’t
discriminate. And that all the money of the rich
offers no protection from the most trying
aspect of life here. Aggression is imperative
and timidity on the road is seized upon by
everyone even pedestrians.
When driving, you are caught up, over-taken
and honked at all at once. All drivers seem to
be afflicted with honk sickness. You get in a
taxi late at night when there isn’t a single
other car on the road, and the driver is still
blasting his horn at five seconds intervals for
the entire journey. It is even worse when the
traffic is gridlocked. Ask the millions who
experience this bottleneck from the mainland
to the commercial districts on the Island